Those Phrases shared by A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to open up between men, who still internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."